Accepting the Void That Can’t Be Filled

The Battle Between Exhaustion and Faith

The loss of my mom has turned every day into a struggle between purpose and exhaustion. Some days, I feel like I’m barely holding on. My thoughts are scattered, my emotions all over the place, and I’m grasping at straws just to find the strength to keep moving. I try to pray, but it’s half-hearted. I know what I’m supposed to do: align my mind with the Word, read Scripture, and seek holiness. But how do you pursue holiness when you can’t even think straight?

I used to think faith meant feeling strong, but I’m learning that it’s more about showing up, even when strength is nowhere to be found. Charles Spurgeon once said, “By perseverance, the snail reached the ark.” And that’s how I feel right now—like a slow, plodding snail inching forward, unsure if I’m making any progress. Right now, just opening my Bible and whispering a few lines of a Psalm feels like a victory. Maybe that’s enough for today. Maybe faith isn’t always about being unwavering, but about refusing to give up when it’s wavering.

Reflecting on My Mother’s Unshakeable Strength

In these moments, I can’t help but think about my mom. She endured so much—health struggles, isolation, and feeling misunderstood. And yet she kept moving forward. What did she know that I don’t? How did she find the strength to keep showing up, day after day? I remember her saying, “You have to keep the end in mind, no matter what.” But right now, I don’t even know what that “end” looks like. What does it mean to live with the end in mind when the present feels so heavy and unclear?

Faith doesn’t always look like victory marches. Sometimes it looks like crawling.

Dallas Willard once pointed out that “God may not guide us in an obvious way because He wants us to make decisions based on faith and character.” It’s not about feeling strong—it’s about choosing to trust when you feel weak. But man, that’s hard. It feels almost impossible when your heart is screaming for a break.

When Complacency Whispers “Give Up”

And then there’s that quiet whisper of complacency. It sneaks in saying, “Why bother? What’s the point?” It tells me to let go a little, to stop pushing so hard. But Nick Saban’s words ring in my head: “Complacency creates a blatant disregard for doing what’s right.” Maybe that’s what scares me the most—not just losing motivation, but losing the will to keep fighting. Because if I lose that, what’s left?

Complacency is choosing comfort over purpose—fighting it means refusing to let exhaustion win.

But what do you do when the struggle doesn’t get easier, when the doubts just keep coming? When patience doesn’t seem to make the obstacles disappear? I think about what Mama would say: “You’re not failing, son. You’re just tired.” Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s not about being strong all the time—it’s about being willing to keep going, even when it’s hard.

Choosing Faith Over Feelings

Today, I choose to pray, not because I feel holy or strong, but because I don’t know what else to do. I’ll ask God for the strength I don’t have, the perseverance I’m lacking. Right now, faith feels fragile, but I want to believe that God is with me, even in the fog, even in the chaos. And maybe that’s enough for now.

Holiness isn’t perfection—it’s taking one step forward in faith, even when doubt clouds the path.

Maybe holiness isn’t about being a hero of faith. Maybe it’s about choosing to show up, day after day, even when you’re stumbling, even when you’re lost. Faith grows most in the dark—when God feels far away and every step feels like a battle. I want to honor Mama’s legacy by choosing to believe that each small step forward—no matter how clumsy—isn’t wasted. She lived with the end in mind, and I want to do the same. But some days, I’m just not sure how.

Holding On When Faith Feels Fragile

Today, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have a neat resolution. All I have is a prayer—a hope that God will meet me here, even in my doubts, even in my exhaustion. The victory isn’t in having it all together; it’s in choosing to keep moving, choosing to keep trusting, even when I’m struggling to believe that it matters. I want to honor Mama’s legacy by choosing to live with the end in mind, just like she did. But today, I just need to believe that God is here, even in the mess.

Reflection Question:

When faith feels fragile and exhaustion sets in, what small step can you take today to keep moving forward, even if it’s just showing up?

Contact Us

Reach out to us for support, guidance, or simply to share your own heartfelt story.